haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
