You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
