watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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