I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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