angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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