Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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