i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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