Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
