im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
