just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
