Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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