First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
