honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the condom got lost in my hair
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
