are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We are two peas in an std pod
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
