I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she smelled like a LAN party
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
