She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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