So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
