Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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