Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
