I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i out mim tonsoeep
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