In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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