when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
