I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
