yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
