I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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