Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
