The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
