He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
