I'm going to jail i love you
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
