so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
