The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
