one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
