i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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