I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am spending my child support on dildos
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
