I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
