meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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