btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize