So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
