I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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