i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
