I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
and you fell through a lawn chair
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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