I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
