she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
