He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
