Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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