I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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