Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
