exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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