dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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