I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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