I'm going to jail i love you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
