Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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