forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
