hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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