oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
