3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
