***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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