i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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