I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
