If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
