Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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