I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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