I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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