i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
