Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
