It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Randomize
