also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize