Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
